Coats Off, Belts Off, Pants Pockets Empty

By Larry Teren

“Coats Off, Belts Off, Pants Pockets Empty” is a familiar enough refrain when you stand in a security check line at the airport. It also happens to be the same greeting you hear when going to court- in this case, traffic court. But first, let’s roll the tape back to the scene of the crime. (Yes, that’s the way the law enforcement officials treat you now-a-days- as a criminal unless you kill someone- then you’re given all the rights.) Continue reading “Coats Off, Belts Off, Pants Pockets Empty”

Say What You Mean But Mean What You Say

By Larry Teren

Voice over phone: “Welcome to the American Association for Better Communications. Press one for English, o para Espanol oprima dos…” Huh?

Okay, so I like to buy used books through Amazon. A lot of people do. In most cases, the books come from trading partners and are at ridiculously low prices- often a penny each. The shipping costs, though, add up- $3.95 a pop. Sounds like I’m gonna make a beef? Right? Yeah. Because that’s what I do.

Continue reading “Say What You Mean But Mean What You Say”

The Shootist or The Awful Truth

Sol, fifty-seven years old, looks forward to doing his tour of duty for border patrol. Not a military person by experience nor trained for security but he relishes the opportunity to serve his community.

He goes to the target practice area in the morning and feels good about his score. It should qualify him for patrol. But, there is one other hurdle to acceptance and that requires taking a physical exam where one is not graded on a curve. He is middle-aged and has acquired the requisite waist spread although it doesn’t look too out of place on his six foot frame. Continue reading “The Shootist or The Awful Truth”