That Three Letter Phone Company

There is a three letter phone company that is out to get me to enter an insane asylum. Mind you, I have no complaints about their service. It’s their persistent marketing that is driving me crazy.

This is no exaggeration- over the past year, I must have received more than a dozen letters from that three letter phone company encouraging me to switch from cable television reception to their product. Their product has some definite improvements that I won’t go into but what they fail to recognize- and I’ve told them this several times over the phone connected to their freaking service- that I live in a condominium. Every unit owner in our building has cable tv through a special group bundle package.

I cannot give up cable television because I still would be obligated to pay for it. The monthly condo fee assessment has the cost built into it. So, why switch to a different service if I am still paying for the other one?

Dear reader- you are intelligent and understand this, correct? If I told you the above you would make a note not to bother me again or you would contact the condo association and ask them about considering a group switch, right? So why cannot the geniuses who figured out the awesome phone grid system also come to the same conclusion?

The latest letter I received is apparently a repeat of a letter they must have sent me two weeks earlier, I’m guessing. It states:

In reviewing your account on 4/14/11, we have found that you qualify for a bundle that may save you money. For only $54 a month for 6 months*, you get:

And then it lists some nice features. It is signed:

That Three Letter Phone Company Customer Service

On the reverse side is where they put the * codicil. It explains in small print what happens after six months. It gets ugly so I will not repeat it here.

Stuck onto this letter, is a yellow post-it note that reads in a fake handwriting:
haven’t heard from you- hope you got this.
Your Three Letter Phone Company Service Rep.

I mentioned this to my friend Stanley who said that he also gets the same harassment and the funny thing is that the service they are offering is not available in his area. I then looked down at the bottom of the letter I received and there it was in bold letters:

Geographic and service restrictions apply. Call or go to our website to see if you qualify.

My question is why bother to send out a marketing letter if the offer is not valid. Doesn’t postage still cost money? And the paper and ink that was used along with the electricity to run the printer as well as the wear and tear on the equipment?

Like that last Beatles song- can’t we just “Let It Be”? Or am I forever to be cajoled into switching television connection service?

By the way, did I mention that once a week I get a letter from the bank that I can write checks from the enclosed forms and that the amount will be tacked onto a line of credit at an interest rate more than ten times the amount I earn at the place?