The first thing a college graduate does after the ceremony is look for a job unless he has rich relatives who plan on putting him in the family business. For the rest of us, this means putting together a resume- excuse me, I mean, CV. For more than thirty-five years, I always thought that the thing you typed up over and over again until you got it absolutely perfect was called a “resume”. Why? I have no idea. The word association never made sense. If it wasn’t pronounce like a foreign word, it then sounded as if something was being continued. Resuming what? Oh, I know- going from door to door and being told to get lost because the job was either already filled or they were testing the market place to see if there were any quality unemployed people out there worthy of future consideration. Or maybe they just didn’t like your face and decided you weren’t qualified. So, you kept on resuming the task of looking and looking. Ergo, the piece of paper that attested to your life’s body of work was an instrument of continuing- “resuming”- going around in circles, or a resume. Sounds good to me.

Then about five years ago I found out that the word resume was no longer in vogue. Instead, one presented a CV, or Curriculum Vitae. Some people suggest that a CV- please, it hurts the fingers to type the full words- is more detailed than a resume. In a resume, one sticks to usually a one page summary of the different jobs he has had as well as brief descriptions of responsibility. With a CV, one can go off on a tangent and talk about how he got up in the morning, what he ate for breakfast, what radio station was playing to as he got dressed, etc.

I kind of like the CV idea because I like to be verbose. Let’s say someone wants to know how to get directions to a place that is as easy as making a left turn and going four blocks up the road. I make sure to tell them to make three rights, go the four blocks and then make one more right turn and call me on my cell phone from there.

The truth is that I have not prepared a resume- excuse me again, CV- since 1982. If someone were to insist that I put one together today I’d have to write down:

1983 to the present: self-employed and over-opinionated computer consultant. Some friends say that insultant is a better description.

1982-83 worked for a consultant who went out of business because he
was a lousy marketing person.

1981-82 worked for another consultant who went out of business
because he was also a lousy marketing person.

1980-81 worked for a computer store owner who went out of business
because he was just like the others- a lousy marketing person.

Got the picture?

By 1983 I figured I’d rather fail on my own. I am also a lousy marketing person but somehow my wit and charm has helped me survive plus I live in a cave, enjoy quiet evenings by candle power and steal other people’s Wi-Fi signals.

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