History Is For People Who Live In The Past

My editor, an unnamed relative, says that History is for those who want to live in the past so I should write in the past- that is, past tense. My brother, I mean editor, doesn’t like me using what is called historical present when I do my storytelling. I ask him if he ever hears of Damon Runyon as the guy has made quite a living doing just that. He then throws out names like Saroyan, Benchley, Thurber and Perlman and said that they never wrote in such a mixed up way. So I tell him I am writing in the vernacular. He said it is more like the vehicular- with all my run-on thoughts.

He said, “you have to write about baby boomers. You have to delve into what is utmost on their minds.” I say, “well, it all depends.” He said that he wasn’t discussing nursing homes.

I got him to stop arguing with me about tense by threatening to go to the court of higher authority- our mother. The worst she could do, anyway, is to remove us as beneficiaries on her trust.

My brother is just a kid still in his early forties. He is into all these new-fangled gadgets and computer programs. He tells me that I am not doing enough to promote my articles. He says I have to use social media. I says, “what’s that?” He said, “you know- Facebook, Twitter and the like- all the good stuff.” That means I have to join the Facebook crowd as well as tweet on a daily basis.

I created a Facebook account and extended connections with several friends. I broadcast on my “wall” new stories that I have written because I know that whomever is connected to me will see it. What I didn’t realize was that anyone I am connected with can broadcast their pet projects and I am stuck reading them, too.

Facebook looks likes it’s a bragging rights contest, I guess, to show off the variety of with-it people whom you hang with. Everyone is so busy bragging that I wonder how many are actually taking the time to read what passes through their wall.

How far are you supposed to go with all this bragging? Am I to tell you about my doctor’s appointment on Wednesday and then follow up later in the week with the results? Or that I am going out to see a client on Tuesday?

Hey, I’m all for a new way of doing things that is supposed to improve my lifestyle. I hear that now you can plug a strange looking cable from your tv set into the wall and not have to use an antenna while also getting more channels. And someone recently told me I could get my food cooked in less than five minutes with something called a microwave. Don’t worry- after I try them out, I’ll let you know if they do as promised on my Facebook wall.

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