Idioms For Idiots

Why do we “beat around the bush” to say what we really want to say? For example, instead of coming right out and admitting a hesitancy, we say we have “cold feet” or we “can’t pull the trigger.” Well, does pulling a trigger warm up the feet? Of course not. I’ve never heard of anyone on the recipient end of a gunshot stating that his feet all of a sudden feels warmer. And the person who does the shooting doesn’t a hot foot. Now, if someone should give a guy carrying a pistol a hot foot, maybe he would be inclined to pull the trigger. But does his failure to pull that trigger means he has cold feet?

Maybe the procrastinator should just come out and say, “sorry, I just don’t have the moxie to do what I know I need to do.” Or, “I’m afraid, okay- that’s it. I don’t have the guts to do it.”

Which brings up the business of “having guts”. That’s the short way of saying whether you have intestinal fortitude. Trust me, you have guts or you wouldn’t have a digestive system. Along the way someone also decided that people who have a shortage of guts tend to be “chicken”.

A guy who can outrun the beneficiary of his insults will tell the slowpoke that he is plain scared, gutless and a chicken and then make with poultry sounds. But- are chickens cowards? I think not. Just because a chicken starts making noises when a human is about to take an ax to its head does not make it a coward. But it would end up causing it to run around like a chicken with his head cut off.

Besides the cowardly chicken, there is the scared rabbit. Why pick on the hare? Little animals get nervous when being hunted. There is also the scaredy cat. Cats and rabbits run away, but so do squirrels and chipmunks. But is anyone called a scared squirrel or chipmunk?

Did I forget a “deer in headlights”? Let’s get this understood. The deer ain’t scared, he is just playing games with you. Sort of like playing a game of chicken (gotcha) as to who will flinch first. And if you don’t want a nice dent in your car, you swerve to the side and put your foot to the pedal quickly.

Switching from animals back to humans, we call a male who acts like a scared rat (oops) a sissy. In other words, acting like a girl makes you less macho. Go tell that to a lady wrestler or member of a WNBA team.

There are figures of speech and then there are figments of imagination. So, what’s a figment? Look it up in the dictionary. It says, “something made up or contrived.” Well, isn’t that already what an imagination is? Aren’t all imaginations in themselves figments? That seems redundant to me. Not only that, but saying the same thing. Not only that, but rehashing words.

I’m not trying to beat around the bush. I’d rather take the stick and beat it directly. And I’m reticent to discuss this any further.

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