Never Shop for Food When Hungry

There are certain axioms that you have to believe are true. Like, not going shopping for food when you’re hungry. You just know that it’s gonna end up costing you more money as you start picking stuff off the shelves that at a more rationale moment you would just say “no- maybe some other time.” Instead, go grocery shopping after you’ve had a nice fulfilling meal. Better yet, write down on paper what you intend to purchase and try to stick to it.

Never stay behind someone who is driving while holding their cell phone glued to their ear. They give a you-know-what’s you-know-what about what you think. These selfish people are content to drive seven miles under the speed limit in the left lane and are for sure just as into themselves in all other aspects of their lives. The same goes for the motorist just ahead of you in either your lane or the one next to you who doesn’t put on the turn indicator when switching lanes.

I also have a theory that a person who uses a self-checkout lane at a store when he or she purchases twenty items and knows that he or she does not have a bar code on one or several of the products does so in spite. Never stand in line behind such a specimen of an alleged human being. Even if it takes you longer to check out by going to a lane where a store employee does the ringing up, it will help keep your blood pressure in check.

Never believe the look of disbelief on the face of the pitcher who just tossed a 95 mile an hour fastball just missing the head of the batter who comes up to the plate just after a .195 hitting shortstop banged a three-run homer. It just got away from the pitcher, right?

Never believe that politicians care what we think. All they want us to do is vote for them.

Never think that algebra, trigonometry, chemistry, physics and biology are taught in high school because one in a thousand students may actually need it in their careers. It’s taught to teach us that we don’t know anything.

Never believe anyone who says that “it’s not about the money”. It is only about the money. And its corollary, when the salesman says, “believe me, I’m not making any money on this”, you know he just put a down payment on a house.

When someone says “trust me”, call your lawyer.

When someone says, “I’ll call you back in five”, he really means hours and not minutes.

Never tell anyone how old you really are. They’ll just say that you don’t look your age and you’ll feel bad because you won’t know if they mean you look younger or older.

Never say, “well, if I just take one, it won’t hurt” because one is just a start.

Most importantly, never grow old. Those who tell you to stop acting like a kid are just jealous.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.